Sept 8th
Krinn frowned, eyes closed, brows furrowed. "Damn" she said under her breath. She dropped focus, and the weather prediction spell faded away.
No one noticed, the familiar bustle of setting up camp blending into a orderly chaos where everyone worked on individual, unrelated tasks that would slowly blend into a comfortable campsite. Even Cookie, a newcomer to the routine, had been caught up in the nightly ritual, and the smell of fish stew was wafting into the air before the first lean-to was erected.
Krinn kept quiet until they were all seated around the fire. El Sid was a little anal retentive about people giving reports before he asked for them. A control freak, just like her mother.
After a while, they all had bowls of steaming chowder and El Sid went around the circle. Delrin went first as always with the woof report, as she had silently named it some time ago. "Nothing much from the wolves. The bridge is perhaps a half mile upstream from here. Occasional travelers, nothing unusual." The Dom was next, which was silly, because out in the wilderness, the Dom didn't know squat.
"Nothing to report" he said quietly. Now it was her turn.
"Cookie, provisions report" said the Sid, breaking the nightly routine. Krinn closed her mouth, choking off the sentence she had been about to spit out. Cookie gave a meaninglessly detailed summary of their provisions, including a bunch of herbs he had found in the last couple of days. "Glorm, mineral report."
What the hell? She thought to herself. What the HELL was a mineral report? The Dwarf looked confused and said "no gems, no gold, no silver, lots of rocks" in a questioning tone of voice. El Sid nodded thoughtfully, as if this was truly the most significant piece of information he had received that evening.
"Fuji, gas report." Fuji farted loudly. "Very good" replied the Sid seriously. Krinn was clenching her teeth so hard she could hear them grinding against one another. The fact that everyone else was confused but almost laughing about it did not help.
The Sid held up his hand for silence. Thought a bit. Started to say something and stopped. Looked down. Looked up. Picked his nose.
Finally he said "all right Krinn. What's the big news?"
She was so furious she couldn't talk for a moment. The asshole had been PLAYING with her. She stopped, took a deep breath. Closed her eyes tight, and fought down the urge to prep lighting bolt and see how funny the Sid would find the charred ruin of his handsome face. Opened one eye. Opened the other. Saw the Sid gazing at her impassively, waiting.
Was this some kind of test, or was he really a sadistic bastard? Probably the later. It didn't matter. Nothing she did now other than report could be taken as anything other than a childish tantrum. On the other hand, she wondered if the Sid knew she could bend the boundaries of her weather shield spell such that, for instance, one particular sleeping bag never fell inside the confines of the magic umbrella of protection. She predicted a few cold, wet nights for the Sid.
"Storm coming. A big one. In about a week, I think. We have a day, maybe a day and a half, before we get some rain. A few days later, we've got serious winds, building up to monsoon levels."
El Sid frowned. "We've got five to eight days to go to get to Tendut paralleling the road. We could cut that in half if we just stayed on the beaten path. We could split the difference and travel off road until the rain starts and then hit the road as it gets muddy. Everyone looks the same in the muck. We are ostensibly three Kanday plainsmen, a druid, a troll, a woman,and a short guy. This is a bit of a different configuration than when last we had trouble. The Don is supposed to have been blinded in one eye and crippled and we have no one resembling that in the party. We have no conspicuously well-groomed noble such as myself. Covered in mud, in the rain, maybe we can pass muster. they should be less alert in driving rain. the weather maybe a good thing: the bad weather will keep people hurrying and street spies miserable in Tendut."
GLORM
Glorm saw Delrin glance up when Krinn mentioned the word Monsoon. "Do you mean the barometric pressure is dropping 10 points per day! Good god this could be quite a blow!" said the Druid.
"Yes and the relative humidity is twenty points above the normal!"
"The air does seem moist and winds are certainly from the South West..."
Glorm and Cookie shrugged their shoulders and continued with their dice game, leaving the two clerics to their technical weather stuff. The way Glorm figured it a storm was just a storm The dice game was quite close with Cookie's limited grasp of strategy being equaled by Glorm's phenomenally bad luck Glorm was down 20 silver, but he was sure his luck would change any time now. Damn, he crapped out again! He handed the dice to Cookie, and pulled out his dragon pipe. It was quickly lit and the smoke dice were quickly wafting into the air. After a few more lucky rolls by Cookie, Glorm noticed Sid motioning him over. "Sorry Cookie, looks like the boss wants a word with me." He wandered over to where the Sid was sitting.
"What's up, Sid?"
"Well Glorm, given Krinn's report, I think we should make a beeline for Tendut on the road. With luck we can make town in three days."
"I don't think that be wise. We can probably make it to the Perrin river in four days on the road, but by that time the River be flowing too quickly to cross. Plus the weather in Tendut will be twice as bad as here. It's not like ships will be leaving in the next week or so anyway. Krinn has assured me that between she and Delrin *most* of us will not even feel a drop of rain. We should just send Delrin's owl out to find a nice spot of high ground with some protection from the wind. Meanwhile we take it easy for a change and enjoy Cookie's fare. I have a feeling another deer will turn up with a bum ticker, if you know what I mean. We can put away plenty of fire wood, and smoke some meat up for later. I can use the time to train with Blackheart, Thorin knows I need the practice. Plus it will give you a chance to play with your new toy" Glorm said indicating the ornate dagger.
"I suppose you are right Glorm. I am just so used to being on the run, I guess I am getting paranoid."
COOKIE
Cookie was beginning to like the funny little Dorf, especially when he turned out to be such an easy mark for dice. How simple it was to play dumb and have the Dorf "teach him" the rules. Cookie laughed to himself, if only the Dorf knew that in his younger years he was known as "The Bonemaster", and he had earned the respect and awe of his entire tribe and the one nearby (the slower, stupider Rockbeaters). He had earned enough from the dice to purchase his very first set of top notch cookware from some passing merchants. Of course he did miss a lot of teachings from the old ones, instead opting for dice with the older trollings out back behind the temple.
His attention snapped back when the Dorf finally came to his senses and muttered some lame excuse about the boss wanting him. Oh well, best not to clean out the pigeon on the first pass, there will be other games (and for higher stakes) later. Cookie whistled as he pocketed his winnings into the skin pouch(which he had made from the skin of the last person to beat/cheat him). "What's up?" he wondered, and he too was looking up into the sky at the dark clouds beginning to form on the horizon. "Not good", he said to himself, "I have a bad feeling about this".
Sept 11th
Delrin woke everyone when he estimated the sun was above the horizon. It was too overcast to be sure, but his natural sense of the cycle of time told him he was right. People woke with groans and curses. They were sleeping on piles of branches and the like, anything to keep them off the ground. They had found rather quickly that while Krinn's spell stopped rain, and even seemed to divert rivulets of rainwater, it did nothing about ground seepage or mud. The branches helped, as long as you didn't roll off, but it was not a comfortable bed.
El Sid sneezed as he woke up. Wet again, Delrin noticed, smiling to himself. Krinn had her own ways of getting even, and in some ways she was getting nastier than the Sid.
He threw a few more logs on the fire they had kept small and inconspicuous during the evening. He had started the Klava a few minutes before, and Cookie had meat and eggs sizzling on the fire. The meat was deer meat... another unexplained heart attack falling the animal... but the eggs were a special treat, grouse eggs he had spotted while crossing a field. It wasn't long before everyone was huddled around the fire, other than Krinn and Fuji, who stood guard against any unexplained attack.
When everyone had a few sips of klava and a dish with food, Delrin spoke. "The ground is getting very muddy. I don't think we will make very good time unless we head for the road."
Glorm shook his head. "That be not a good idea." El Sid nodded in agreement.
"Just thought I would mention it.. There don't appear to be any caves or the like, and while we could shelter at some random spot in the forest, Chronous tells me there is a human place nearby. He calls it funny-tingly-deep-in-woods. I get the feeling it's very isolated." They had been paralleling the woods since the evening of the previous day.
Everyone pondered this for a minute. "Isolated is good" said the Don.
"A hot bath is better" added Krinn, listening from the edge of the umbrella spell. "Delrin, my spell is about to end..." Delrin quickly cast his own umbrella spell. A few minutes later, the temperature dropped suddenly as the Druid's less effective spell lost the temperature control provided by Krinn's. But at least it kept the rain off.
Glorm looked at El Sid, who shrugged. Glorm said "Be it the fuzzy tingle place, then, there be not many places we can afford to stop at, and it will be a welcome feeling to have a soft mattress instead of these sticks to rest on."
Delrin, with Chronous's help, lead the party along the edge of the forest for a mile or so. There they found a gravel road that disappeared into the forest. They made better time on it, and it was only half an hour later that the scent of smoke reached their noses. Chronous brushed up against Delrin, then headed into the wood. El Sid gave him a curious glance. "Nothing dangerous" answered Delrin to the Sid's unspoken question. "He just doesn't like 'stinky human places'."
As they turned the next corner, they saw a cheerful house sitting at the end of the road on a hill cleared of trees. Grass, shrubs and flowers surrounded it on all sides. The building was of brick and wood, with simple metal banded windows. It was reasonably large, two stories tall and perhaps eighty feet long by forty wide. Behind it was a stable, and beyond that, a small pond. Smoke curled from two of it's three chimneys, and the smell of fresh bread reached then, even through the increasingly steady downfall of rain.
EL SID
The rain came down in a grey, monotonous drone. Occasionally, the rumble of distant thunder was heard. Cold water dripped down his neck.
'Damn', he groused mentally, 'Damn. What's going on here? What's the deal? I'm a bona fide hero, aren't I? Aren't I? So what am I doing out in the middle of nowhere with rain running down my neck?'
The Sid dug into his wallet and riffed. 'Lemmesee here: pool pass, driver's license, license to kill, Greater Kethem Dwarf-Tosser's Association membership card... ah, here it is: Kethem Campaign Adventurers Guild: Hero, Dark; Anti-Paladin; Bad-Assed Nasty-Guy-in-Training, Third level. Dues: to be paid in full.' Satisfied and reassured, El Sid put the wallet away. 'Thought so.' he mentally grunted.
'So what the heck *am* I doing here, and how the heck did I *get* here?' Then deciding he didn't want to get *too* introspective, he decided on merely figuring out where the heck they *where*. So thinking, he took out his Leica 8x20 pocket binoculars with the black rubber armor coating that matched his really spiffy leather armor (that he didn't get to wear as often as he would have liked to anymore since he was supposed to be disguised as a KandyAss and they wore chainmail religiously) and peered through the gloom. Then he took out his Multiversal Bruton compass in one hand, leaned forward to shelter the instruction booklet in the other, and began to take bearings.
'Lessee here...gotta adjust the declination, the inclination and the speculation...so this here's the northern hemisphere, so that's a +14 degree correction, -3 degrees for World Gate interference, call it another -2.7 degrees for the FUBAR effect and then ya gotta correct a final +0.5 degrees if the Elves are operating their Googawatt Accelerator.' He looked up into the grey, rainy sky. Normally, you could tell if the Elves were up to business because the Accelerator caused an auroric haze around the second of the four suns. Damn, now he'd have to calculate it *both* ways he concluded.
'Stupid Elves.'
He pulled out the acrylic-covered topo map he had taken off the KNI scout he'd waylaid on their backtrail last night. 'No way *he's* gonna need it no more. No way he shoulda relied on his infrared in rain and fog. Shoulda used the optical polarizer, *for sure*. Aren't they teaching these guys *anything* in advanced basic anymore?? Waste a' good tax dollars, that's what it is, a waste a' good tax dollars. Someone oughta complain...' He shook his head disgustedly. He bent a wax crayon to the map.
A bluejay swooped out of the misting. "SCREE-SCREE-SCREE!," it scolded, "SCREE-SCREE-SCREE!" Ten ounces of fluff-headed feathers settled on a low branch nearby and continued it's tirade. The Sid's giant black horse turned it's massive head and glared at the creature. Snorted. "SCREE-SCREE-SCREE! SCREE-SCREE-SCREE!"
Some lifeforms just couldn't take a hint.
The horse's burning red eyes slid left, slid right, as if assessing whether anyone was watching. Then it inhaled mightily and wuffled out. Twin gouts of intense orange flame shot out of it's nostrils and charcoaled the annoying pest, setting a small fire in the surrounding brush. The bird's eyes popped open wide in surprise. It had just enough time to turn it's head to stare in horror at it's blackened body before stiffening and falling slowly sidewise off the branch. The last thing it's fourteen functioning bird-brain neurons recorded was the sight of a dinner-plate-sized hoof from a twenty-hand war mount descending from above.
The Sid looked up from the map, then down. Hmmmph. Seemed the weather was making *everyone* prickly. He returned to his sightings.
[Delrin had been daydreaming of a certain shepherd lass he knew in Piffle's Port. Suddenly, out of the corner of his eye, he thought he caught an orange glow and felt a wave of heat on the side of his head. Huh? Turning, he saw the Sid's horse standing over a clump of blackened brush which was hissing and smoking in the downpour. What?! Had he just seen what he *thought* he'd seen? Had he? *Really*? *WOW*!" Unnervingly, as if sensing his thoughts, the head of the massive animal swung in his direction. Eyes, burning like coals, fixed him with a baleful glare. And slowly began advancing on him in the sucking muck. 'Wellontheotherhandthat'simpossibleitmusthavebeenthosefunnyspeckledmushrooms inCookie'sstewlastnightWhatcouldIpossiblyhavebeenthinkingItwouldbeim possibleIshouldconcentrateonwhatI'mdoingandstopdaydreamingondutySillyme!' Delrin mentally babbled as he jumped hastily backwards to trip on a root and slip in the mud. The horse stopped over him. Gave him last more hard, soul-searing stare. Then continued his muddy ploddings. A paled Delrin regained his footing and hiked his pack. Saying nothing. *Thinking* nothing! As hard as he could! Ulp!]
El Sid had completed taking bearings and triangulating on the map. 'So at about three miles a day in this slop that should place us...precisely...exact-tickly...here.'
He consulted the directory on the edge of the map. 'And "here" is..."Lower Up-Creek-Without-Paddles'ville."
He nodded his head. Yup, he'd thought as much. He'd been here before. Thought he'd recognized the place. Hadn't changed much. It had been several months since being forced to flee Salta. Damn Bradfords. He rued the death of Uncle Victor. (He had a slight suspicion that Vic might not be as dead as he, El Sid, and the world had been lead to believe. Wouldn't it be just like Vic to fake his death so that Sid could draw attention and fire while Vic worked in the background? Well, wouldn't it? If so, Sid reckoned he'd have a sharp-edged surprise for the old trickster the next time they met. Make'em disguise himself as a KandyAss, huh. *He'd* show *him*!) He hadn't made any progress on this moonstone device the Bradford's seem to be using. Was outa cash. Was wet. And had the mottliest assortment of traveling companions he ever heard about outside of a fantasy story! He recapped. A plains barbarian with a bear grease coif. A priest from an outlawed nature religion that had been obsolete since the invention of monotheism. A half-elven, pin-up babe with an Attitude. A Dwarf (er, or was that a Dorf? He kept getting confused: Dwarf? Dorf? Ah, what's the diff, he decided with a shrug, the *short guy* with the drug problem! *He* knew who he meant...) with an eye for sparklers and a greed to match. And a Troll. A *Troll*? Yes, a real live, honest-to-ghods, stinky, stay downwind please, Troll. 'Course, he conceded, the troll *could* cook. (He did wonder about those mushrooms last night, however, as everything had a kaleidoscope halo around it this morning. And what were those digits doing in the stew? Deer didn't have digits. Did they? He shrugged. Must be some local variant caused by the magic-radiation leak in the river...sure were tasty little things...) Yes, all in all, quite an odd lot. Hmmm... maybe he didn't feel that bad about being just a KandyAss, after all. If it just wasn't for that bear grease...
BA-R-O-O-o-o-o-m-m! Thunder rolled over head and broke his reverie. Back to business, he decided. Well, they had the beginnings of a kick-butt sword. A used reactor core that the Elves would buy just to keep it out of the hands of the KNI. A possible lead on another GreatSword. A lead on a lost naval base (although how you can lose a naval base on a river, unless it was extradimensional, he just couldn't figure. You just couldn't hide one under a big rug, after all.) Also, they had a whole lotta smoke on some ancient dude named Mogart. Maybe they could rework it and sell it back in Kethem as the plot for this fall's blockbuster action novel. They sure could use the money. And they hadn't *killed* anything. It had been *so* l-o-n-g since they'd *killed* anything! It was just bloody discouraging!
Sigh. Well, you worked with what you had, he guessed. He looked around at the wet foliage, grey mist, clouds and drizzle. More rain rain down his neck. Sigh. Someone was gonna *pay* for this...
He could hardly wait...
GLORM
Glorm stood next to Sid for a minute surveying the quaint little homestead. "Clearly some sort of a trap, illusion based no doubt. Let's head back, ehh 007."
{In a mild scottish accent, looking debonair} "No my short friend, it's a trap but if there is any chance of getting the lector, we have to go in. Plus last time I checked a buxom Russian babe came free with every lector." He turns to Cookie. "For the third and final time Cookie, it is shaken not stirred, and Vodka not Gin. Now get it right this time. Where was I? Oh yes a trap. I say we walk in the front door, and hand Blowfeld our coats..."
COOKIE
Cookie mulled over the obviously sick man in black, (whathisname-ACID? Something like that), ordering something SHAKEN not stirred. Cookie thought about shaking AND stirring him, right into a nice pot of stew. His thoughts drifted back to the last person to order him to prepare something a certain way, his name was Frank and as a result Cookie invented a dish he now calls Chicken Frank a see. The rain snapped him back to the present, and he wondered if they were ever going to make it out of this damn rain. Oh well, might as well take his monthly shower. Pulling out a bar of dish scouring soap he lathered up and rinsed off (of course some suds went into the pot simmering, but a quick glance around told him no one was the wiser, so he stirred them down). Fuji happened over and took a sip, and exclaimed that it was excellent (after farting loudly of course). Cookie liked this one, HE appreciated the finer things in life, and was obviously the most cultured of the bunch (except for Cookie of course).
Slicking his wet hair back, Cookie exclaimed "Now me booteeful!" Clean or not, Fuji thought the troll was still the ugliest thing he had ever laid eyes on, although he wisely held his tongue. Fuji thought that taking a shower once a month a little excessive, himself opting for the Bi-yearly plan. "What's for dinner?" the Kandyian asked, peering into the pot. "Go way!" shrieked the troll, "secret family recipe". Fuji backed away, remembering Cookie's favorite saying, "You snoop, You soup!" He didn't want to become a "heart attack victim" liked so many of the animals of the woods lately. Too bad his brother wasn't around any more, otherwise he could see setting him up to piss off the troll. Fuji walked away laughing at the thought, suddenly missing having someone to play jokes on. Then he spied the Dorf...
Just for fun.... the treacherous planning of the players...
OOC (out of character, like I was in character before!) Seriously Barry, this is clearly a set up of some kind, but on the other hand if it was just a witch in the woods, you would think Dave would disguise it more subtly. I have no objection to just heading in to check the scene out. After all we don't want to take away all of Dave's fun. Also there is always the possibility that some grosse benevolent Tom Bombadil type lives here, wich would be very usefull. BTW this place is huge. 40' x 80' x two stories = 6400 square feet (nearly as big as Dave's house!). This is an interesting enough decission that I await your reply before we take action. Lyzen should be online later today, so hopefully he will give us some input as well. One possible sleeze would be for Cookie to bring some tasty food that we carefully drug. If things look fishy, we can always turn the tables on the local resisdents. After all, no one can resist Cookies stew...
Jeff
Guys,
(I don`t know if Barry is getting this so you might want to forward this to him, I have his address wrong I think)
Tingly? Obviously magical. TOM BOMBADIL? In Dave's world? Only if it's his evil twin perhaps. However, I can see where this is going. We are going to have some sick people soon if we don't seek cover (leading no doubt to pneumonia), and I agree with Jeff, why deny Dave his fun? Let`s go a-callin`! But we should have a defensive plan in case this turns out to be a Hansel and Gretel thing (although Cookie WOULD want the witch's recipes!)
Terry
Guys,
1) wolfie-because it's most replaceable
2) rosebud- because it's just a cat
3) the boyo n black- because ya'll gotta go sometime
if nobody gets fried, then one of us can draw short straw, approach the house and knock on the door. or we can all just run away. this last option is clearly the smartest (as we live to run another day) but probably not as much fun and will certainly deprive dave of the enjoyment of watching this carefully prepared episode unfold. he will probably rewrap this treat and present it to us again in a different form anyway, so we might as well take it this way while we are optimally suspicious and prepared. anyway, that's my take. Terry, any other thoughts? if not, jeff whatever you decide is fine...by the by, are my emails getting through? i sent two yesterday and they never returned. could you both echo me?
Barry
Folks,
Here is my best plan. Let me know what you think before we submit to Dave. I say we retreat slightly and do a slightly more in depth scouting mission with wolfie and rosebud. After that I vote we leave Rosebud with Glorm and Cookie and Delrin (the nonhumans and the umbrella spell). The rest of you take some of Cookie's famous stew and pay the little shack a visit. You can use the stew, if you get suspicious otherwise play it straight. If there is any trouble you can use Rosebud to call in the cavalry (Glorm and Cookie). Rosebud can be instructed to alert us, if you lose consciousness. This leaves the nonhumans out of sight, gives us the surprise element of reserves, and keeps the darkheart out of prying eyes. What do you think?
Jeff
I don't like it. Too wealthy. Too clean. Too isolated. Who'd pay to have a gravel road built out here in the middle of nowhere. How'd they get the gravel here? The wolf said this was the "tingly" place. Must be magic, enchanted or shielded. I don't like it. We should either leave now or reconnoiter and attack. I don't like the idea that whoever owns this place has spotted us and will bushwhack ... backing off and recon with the animals followed by the humans on a direct approach seems reasonable.. it demonstrates caution without aggression. if sid can concentrate, he can direct rosebud. if he gets knocked out or is fighting, he can't, so as long as there is a stray moment he can warn if something is amiss. the stew...do we have anything poisonous around? how can we get them to eat it and avoid eating it ourselves? i suppose we could say we'd just eaten our fill and therefore aren't hungry...yeah, i guess if they are more evil than bright that could work. well, nothing ventured, nothing to run away from, as i always say... my vote is let's do it...
Barry
Oh mighty ones,
Isn`t there a @#$!!!% window El Sid can slink up to and look in? I mean this is a thief sort of thing right up the old stealth meister`s alley.
Terry
The story continues....