COOKIE
A skeletal hand clutching a huge battleaxe
rose slowly out of the mist, then two curved ram's horns swishing back a forth
as if the vapor were an enemy to rend. Two points of light were slowly
surrounded by skull sockets as the head appeared, then the rest of the torso,
the legs leaving ripples in the water as the skeleton came ashore. In other
places along the rim of the crater, skeletons of different shapes and sizes
were doing the same thing.
Cookie could name some of them. Bragrrukl,
the horned one, Demi-Ghod of War. Vehurrun, the scourge of Mullunug. Cacrull,
foe of pestilence.
Some, he could not. Most, in fact.
This confused him for a moment; how could
there be ghods he did not know? Then he remembered this was a dream of a
different time and place. He looked left and right, saw the silver and gold and
mitherial armor, the handsome faces and self-assured postures of the Great
ones.
It dawned on him that something had
changed from the numerous times he had been caught up in the dream of the moon
stone. The sweet, sorrowful music of the lyre had ended, as had the low,
harmonious chanting from the assemblage. All was quiet as the Ghods left their
watery resting places and walked to their people. And Cookie was awed to see
how many there were. Not the two dozen or so that had come at the last Glassond
Hraggle, but four or five times that.
As they approached, one Great one broke
from the ranks of the people for each of the Ghods, approached them and fell on
their knees. One other stood farther back, the bones knitted into the honor
belt he wore numerous enough to mark him a chief. He fell to his knees as well,
but did not bow. Instead, he began to speak. The dialect was so strange that it
took Cookie some time to comprehend what the Greattroll was saying, but once he
became adjusted to it he did not have difficulty in following the words.
".... I ask your guidance in this. We
are trapped here by magic we do not understand. We cannot return. We have some
of the ancient artifacts of our people, but even if they allow us to destroy
our captors, we will not know how to find out way back. We do not understand
why tossing of the bones pointed us here, or why, for the first time in our
history, you have come to us in physical form, but perhaps it is because you understand
what dire straights we are in."
The ghods listened impassively. Then one
came forward. An enormous, bloated skull on a small, almost child size body.
Beverug, the Demi-Ghod of knowledge. He held his hand in front of him and
slowly opened and closed the skeletal fist. Braggrukl swung his ax this way and
that in the background. Elsewhere, others of the ghods were doing similar
repetitive motions.
Beverug stopped, and glowing sparks in the
dark skull cavity suddenly flared. And then he laughed. A deep, horrible,
booming laughter, as if the world had just played a cruel joke on them all, and
only Beverug understood it. The laugh stopped as suddenly as it had come.
"Kerrug, this is what you must do.
Take the artifacts from the people and hide them. Hide them well. Establish the
priesthood of Beverug, who has as their purpose to keep these safe for future
generations. The time for them will come later, perhaps much later. Work for
your captors. Work hard, work well. Convince them that you are sincere and
happy on your new world. Learn from them. Learn their magic, their ways. When
you have learned as much as you can, then will be the time for the priests of
Beverug to lead the tribes back to our beginning. By combining the old and the
new, we will establish a new order in the world."
The Great one, Kerrug, replied, frowning
slightly. "But, Beverug, in generations, our children's children's
children will not remember from whence we came. They will think of this world
as their home. Our ties to our ancestors, to our past, to the bones of our
fathers and mothers and theirs before them will be lost."
Beverug nodded. "Just so, Kerrug. You
are wise to realize this. But this is as it must be. You, Kerrug, will lead the
priests of Beverug. I shall teach you the ways of the priesthood, and how to
establish a new order for a new world."
Kerrug nodded, then waved his hand. Cookie
suddenly found himself compelled to walk forward, although he tried to command
his body to be still. Kerrug looked at him. "Vurugal, have you recorded
the event on the MoonDrugh?"
Cookie answered "Yes, my lord."
He reached out and demonstrated that he held the moonstone. He no longer tried
to stop himself, realizing he was reliving the memory of someone at the
proceedings as it had been recorded on the moon device.
Kerrug turned back to Beverug.
"Beverug, as you decree, so shall it be. This image" and he waved at
Cookie, "will be passed from generation to generation as the memory of a
world that will fade with time, but will none the less always be the home of
the Trolls."
Cookie suddenly became aware that Beverug
was looking at him. Looking at him, not the person recording the event. Keenly
aware of it. Beverug reached out a bony finger and pointed at his head.
"Observer, remember my words. You are a priest of Beverug, holder of the
ancient racial memories of the Trolls, guardian of the artifacts of our past,
the artifacts of our future. I mark you now as such. Remember, priest, that you
are mine."
White light flared. He heard voices, growing
distant, disappearing in a sibilant hiss of background noise, Then the light
and the noise faded and he drifted into the blackness of sleep, troubled for a
time by dreams that he could not recall in the morning.
The Continuing
Amazing Adventures of the Boyz N Black!
Starring: Lord Sidney Viscious Borgia, as The Hero
Don
Dom Perignon, as his Trusty Sidekick and Mouthpiece
This Episode
Entitled:
EL SID Saves the
(Human) World while Cookie Stews!
OR
'A Matter of
Fine Print'
Sid's
eyes popped open as Fuji approached him." Sid, I think you better see this," pointing at the
Troll. Sid lithely rolled to a
crouch and beheld Cookie. The tall
'green 'n ugly' was standing clutching the MoonStone, staring wide-eyed,
trembling. Sid sighed. 'Now, what?' he thought, 'What's it
take for a fella to get a little sleep around here?'
"Cookie?
Cookie! WAKE UP!" Sid shouted, cautiously approaching the Troll. "You've been dreaming! You,
ok??"
Cookie
shook himself as if to dispell a nightmare. Clarity came to his eyes and he finaly spoke, "The
Ghods have spoken to me. They
said..."
The
rest of the party, roused, gathered around...
"...Remember, priest, you mine, the
Ghod say. Then white light all
around and I dream again. Not
remember after that."
The
Troll wound down and stood stock still as if still stunned and uncomprehending. Glorm ventured delicately,
"Ah,
friend Cookie, you not be eating those mushrooms with speckles again last
night, be you??"
Cookie
looked down at the Dwarf. He
silently shook his head in wonder.
Sid
tilted his head to one side and scratched his chin. Nobody said anything.
"Ah,
Cookie. Could I see my Moonstone
for just a second?" Sid asked. Cookie's eyes snapped to the Sid's face and he turned his
body to shelter the artifact. A
low growl began deep in his throat.
"Oh,
come here, chappie! None of that! You're among Civilized Beings, now!" Sid
scolded and scowled.
"Civilized?
That just mean you stab each other in back!" Cookie snorted, keeping a
double-handed grip on the stone.
"Exactly!"
Sid beamed, "None of this blustering between friends! We have a problem,
we solve it in the dark from behind! I knew you'd agree! Fine fellow, fine
fellow..." and held out his hand for the stone expectantly.
Cookie
blinked his eyes several times and tipped his head. He slowly, uncertainly reached out and deposited the disc in
Sid's hand. He *knew* there had to
be something wrong with the Hooman's logic. It's just that he couldn't put his finger on it at this moment. Hmmm...
"Thank
you, Cookie," Sid responded graciously. "Now. Let's
see what we have here. Check me if
i'm wrong..." Sid began to pace in concentration, hefting the Moonstone
slightly in a rhythmic motion.
"The
Moonstone has been in Hold Borgia as far back as anyone can remember. That's centuries!" he turned to
the troll for emphasis.
"It's
rather become a Hold symbol and heirloom.
In fact, my possession of it is de facto evidence that I'm the Heir
Apparent of House Borgia." He
looked at Cookie to see if that point had settled in.
"Now. What you're saying is that this stone
disc," here he held it up for all to see, "Is some sort of Troll
Memory Device containing within it a record of all Troll Heritage, Memories and
a listing and the location of the greatest Troll Artifacts Of All Time. At least on this planet," he
quickly ammended. "Yes?"
Sid continued to pace.
"In
fact, you might say that I hold, right here, in my hand, the Trollish Crown
Jewels!"
At
this point, Cookie leaped forward, growling, arms outstretched and tried to
grab the Moonstone. Sid smoothly stepsided
the Troll.
"Tut-tut-tut,
Cookie! Manners, Please!" he huffed.
"Look. The fact
remains, regardless of what may or may not have happened in your dreams and not
that I doubt your word, is that this stone is, and has been for *centuries*,
the recognized, legal property of Hold Borgia under Kethem Law. And it will remain so until *I* say otherwise!
"In
fact, possession being recognized as nine-tenths of the Law, for you ever to
even *see* this stone again is at my discretion. And if I so choose, I will forbid that privelege to you by
the simple course of doing *this*!"
And,
with a gesture, Sid vanished!
"Now,"
came a disembodied voice as rustling red leaves seemed to kick themselves in to
the air to drift gently down again, "Just to emphasis my point, what are
you going to do if, in addition, *this* happens?"
And
suddenly the leaves kicked up into the air, soundlessly! Then they ceased to
rise at all!
Growling
a battle oath, Cookie lept forward and drew his battle axe. He crouched for battle and crabbed
forward his neck extended, his flat nostrils sucking air like a warhorse. 'Damn that Hooman!' Cookie swore to
himself, 'Damn him!' Normally, Cookie would have been able to track a hooman by
smell alone, but that damn Sid took as many baths as did the lovely Krin, even
if he didn't use rose-scented water! Cookie could smell he was around somewhere!
But now he'd *never* lay a blade on him! And he risked harming the MoonDrugh if
he did!
Cookie
roared in frustration!
"Keep
your loincloth on, Cookie" Dom commanded disgustedly, "You know how
much El Sid *loves* theatrics. Especially,
when *he's* at the center of them.
"Isn't
that so...," he continued sarcastically turning, hands on hips, to a tree
with a branch that dipped more than it ought. "...My Lord! Quite ribbing the Troll, Sid, and get on
with it. We haven't got all
day," he added exasperatedly.
Cookie rounded on the tree as Sid *poinked* into existence, lounging on
the bough.Sid sniffed, "I keep telling you, Perignon, presentation is *everything*"
"Yeh,
yeh, yeh, Sid, Bite me. Give him
the deal already."
"Ach,
Philistines! I'm surrounded by unappreciative Philistines" Sid lamented,
hamming. Then his eyes narrowed.
"Ok,
Cookie, look here, buddy-" Sid broke off for a moment, suddenly serious. "By the way, Cookie, what *is*
your name, anyway? Your *real* name? You can't go around being known as His
Arch High Priestness Cookie! It doesn't have...doesn't have..."
"Gravity,"
supplied Perignon.
"Exactly!
High Priest Cookie lacks Gravity! So what is it?"
Cookie
stopped cold, nonplussed by the seemingly trivial change in subject. They were talking Eternal Troll
Heritage here! What did his name matter?? Anyone didn't like High Priest Cookie
he'd bash them into the ground, he would!
Cookie
fixed El Sid with a glare and carefully pronounced a series of grunts, growls
and clicks.
"Hang
on a sec, Cook," Sid said and gestured his Speak/Read Language spell on,
"How was that again?"
Cookie
repeated himself. Sid tried it out. Sounded like he was coughing out a
hairball.
"So
let's see, that would translate as," and Sid laughed in glee, "Chef
Cupcake, the 23rd?? The 23rd??" Sid roared in mirth.
Cookie
tensed and threw his chest out and brandished his axe,
"Hey!
*All* ancestors be chefs! Best in Trolldom! And that not Cupcake! That
*Nutcake*! After famous family recipe!"
Cookies
wolfish grin gave the distinct impression that whatever was in the recipe, it
*wasn't* a vegetarian dish.
Sid
gaze narrowed, suddenly wary. Hmmmm...
"Whatever!
The *point* is this," and here Sid lowered himself to a croach on the
branch and point a gaunleted finger at the Troll, "The point is what is
this talk of a New World Order?
"I'm
not sure I *like* the idea of a Trollish New World Order. You guys already do alright for
yourselves. Kicked our human butts
in the recent Kom Offensive. Sure
that wasn't an all out affair," he conceded, "But Humanity already
has a hard enough time of it in this world! Look, Cookie, we Humans aren't much. And we're our own worse enemy sometimes. But the fact remains is that we're all
we've *got*!
"Now,
the Elves, the Urakai, the Chen Kundi you can make footstools out of the lot of
them if you want for all I care-"
"Hey!"
interjected Krinn.
"Dwarfs
not make good footstools, friend Cookie," Glorm intoned seriously.
"-But
no *way* you're ever going to see this stone again unless you agree, as the new
High Priest of BeaverRug, or whatever his name is, and in a binding contract
for all Trolldom for all time, that Humanity is except from this New World
Order of yours! Further, you are going to have to swear that All Trolldom are
Allies and Protectors of Humanity, even if we are a tad difficult sometime, or
your Trollish Heritage is *History*! Got that! No stuffed human skin rugs in Trollish
chambers! EVER!"
"Or
Elvish rugs!" Krinn cried jumping up.
"Don't
even think about Dwarfs!" Glorm joined in planting himself firmly in front
of the Troll.
"Hey!"
Sid's voice cut, "It's *my* stone.
Butt out!"
The
entire party started shouting! Fuji started farting! Krinn wiped out a dagger
and turned on Delrin-
"QUIET!"
Sid bellowed.
Sudden
silence.
"Thank
you," he continued quietly, "Don Perignon, can you help us
here?"
Dom
had gotten out legal parchment he had 'borrowed' from Corbel and was opening an
inkpot.
"No
problem, no problem. Sid I TOLD
you to quite grandstanding. Now *everyone*
is worked up! We got standard clauses here..." flipping through Sid's diplomats
manual,"Just a sec, we can hammer this out. Cookie? You guys sign in blood or what? Some of the exact
phraseology depends on that cause blood clots so quick on sheepskin. Ya can't get too frilly."
Sid
said, "Ok, how about something like this. Trolldom agrees to come to the aid of Humanity if other
races threaten it in war directly or indirectly. Borgia Hold can call on Trolldom in this capacity at
need."
"Make
it a onetime deal, Sid, the arbitrators like that better."
"Ok,
Humanity, in the person of Borgia Hold, can call on Trolldom to render all
possible aid to Humanity once, upon call."
"Or
the Kethem High Council or duly appointed Kethem Authority if Hold Borgia is
wiped out, Sid."
Sid
looked at Dom quizzically.
"Else
some enemy of Mankind has an incentive to blotto Hold Borgia and void the
contract."
"Right!
Good point! Ok, and Trolldom can't attack the Elves or the Dwarfs while Hold
Borgia survives in the male bloodline.
That ok, Dom?"
"Yeah,
pretty much. Again, focuses
possible enemies of the Elves or Dwarfs on Borgia, but puts it in the Elves and
Dwarves vested interest to keep the Borgia Bloodline safe for all time. Or at least for a bit. Might sic the Elves on the Bradfords,
too!"
"Goodie!
What if the Trolls want to attack the Elves or the Dwarfs?"
"Well,
they'd have to paste Borgia first, but they're forbidden to do that because
Borgia is Human, etc. etc. We'll throw in a Special Friends
Clause, etc. I'll spruce it up
here directly."
"What
about the High Council?"
"Well,
this *is* an extraterritorrial treaty and they should be involved, but it's to
Kethem's benefit, clearly, so they won't void it. Since Borgia is speaking in Humanities Name and got Trolldom
to sigm, Borgia gets all the Kudos.
No sweat, it'll hold, there's precendent."
"Good. Cookie?"
The
troll was speechless. "How
can *I* bind Ghods and Trolldom?"
"Well,
me bucko, you've just joined the Ghods Annointed Club, so you're in! I believe
there is precedent, Dom?"
"Right. If there is a problem, Cookie answers
to Trolldom and his Ghods, not us!"
"Well,
Cookie? It's your Treaty Pledge or No Family Jewels!
"What
do you say, Partner?"
The Continuing Adventure of the
Boyz N Black!
in This Week's Episode: Sid
scratches his head whilst Dom and Cookie puzzle.
OR
'Three Bumps on a Log'
It was the night of the
following day and Fuji and Delrin were off in the new town trying to get
killed. The rest of the party had already drawn straws to see who got to keep
Fuji's sword (which they'd had him leave behind as being too distinctive to
safely wear): Glorm was rapidly becoming bonded at the hip to DarkHeart, a
situation that they would have to remedy before too much longer or he would
began to cackle in his sleep. Dom had kept the old Urakai sword from the Spider
Dungeon. So that left Sid angling for the Kandayan quality weapon (his sword
only having a few Flash Spells in it. He really had wanted the detect metal and
gems sword that Corbel had lent them, but hadn't yet figured out what he could
trade for it.) Krinn quietly debated the matter with herself off to one side.
As evening faded to night and the third
moon rose, Sid, Dom and Cookie all sat glumly on makeshift seats watching the
Moonstone begin to glow.
"The problem Cookie is that this
thing turns out to be worth Big Bucks to Trolldom. When you get the hang of it,
this thing can tell you where all your Ancestral Artifacts are located. There
have to be some obscenely powerful weapons included in that trove!"
Cookie grinned, nodded and rubbed his
hands in glee.
"But Humankind and Trolldom have
never gotten along well. If Trolldom becomes suddenly powerful, they could
decide to wipe out Humanity!"
Cookie nodded, grinned and rubbed his
hands in glee.
"So we have two problems: how can
Borgia Hold get their money's worth out of this very valuable (to a troll)
Cultural Icon? This thing is big, Big, BIG! It would be for humans like,
like...Dom what *would* it be like for Humans?"
"Ah, well...kind of like, well...The
New Year's Bowl Games, the Super Bowl, the NCAA College Basketball
Championships and the NBA Playoffs all rolled into one!"
Cookie looked back blankly.
Dom reflected a moment. "Ok, that may
not translate well. Let's just say it's Big."
Cookie nodded his agreement.
"And the second problem, Cookie, is
how to let Trolls have all this stuff without getting Humans enslaved in the
process. The only solution that I can see is if we make it a *political payoff*
to the Borgias and Humanity, the only *real* currency in the world anyway. That
would have to be a treaty guaranteeing that that Trolldom won't attack Humanity
and will come to our aid if we need it. That way Humanity gets a secret Ally,
and, boy, do we need them, as well as some mileage out of these new gross Troll
Artifacts that we otherwise probably couldn't use. I say it's a Win:Win
situation. Trolldom get's it's Identity and Heritage back. Borgia gets
political currency that will last generations! But how to let you have the
Moonstone without selling Humanity out? That's the question.
Cookie pondered. "Could just poison
food and *take* stone," he offered.
Sid shook his head, "Nah.
Unfortunately, Dom and I are pretty good with poisons ourselves, and we've
stopped eating your cooking."
"Could pound you at night when you
sleep and take stone *that* way," Cookie counter-offered.
"No, that won't work either. We've
decided to swap the stone around between us. Maybe ask Glorm to help. That way
you'd have to take all three of us out to make sure you got the
Moonstone."
"Not want pound Dorf," Cookie
regretfully agreed.
"Besides, we're planning to stash the
thing as soon as we find a likely spot. And you'll never know which one of us
knows where it's stashed! So if you kill one us, you risk never seeing the
Moonstone again! Or we both might know where we put it. In which case, if you
capture one of us, the other will beat you to the disc. You'll *never* be sure
and this is too big to risk blowing, especially since you know we *want* to
deal if we can!"
"Hmmmm, Sid, maybe just destroying
the thing is the safest."
"Hooman too stupid greedy to destroy
disk. Not make Cookie laugh," the troll snickered.
"Ok, you're right, we're *far* too
greedy to destroy it."
"Why not give to old Hooman for
safekeep?" Cookie ventured. "Old is wise! Maybe he see way Cookie can
use stone without Cookie steal!"
"W-e-l-l, I don't know, Cook. If we
allowed you to use it, how would we know when you learned some important info?
Could we trust you?"
"No. Cannot trust Cookie," he
conceded.
"Besides. I'm not sure I trust
*Corbel* all that much. I notice Krinn is riding pretty gingerly in the saddle.
I'll bet he was pounding the mattress with her again."
"So old Hooman like
'bouncey-bouncey'. He give Krinn spell, Krinn give him 'bouncey-bouncey'.
Everybody happy! What problem?"
"It's the principle of thing. He's
too mercenary. He may pretend to have high ideals, but nobody survives in this
business to reach old age without being pretty ruthless!"
"Who Ruth? How he lose her? That why
he need Krinn for 'bouncey-bouncey'?"
"Er...skip it."
"Say! Cookie, you say you don't know
how you can speak for Trolldom, right?. What about if you call one of your
'Haggle-a-Rounds'! Then you get all your Great Trolls, maybe a ghod, showing
up! You should be able to put the deal to them. Why would they disagree?"
"Ah, Cookie not sure about that. Not
travel in those circles. Great Trolls are, ah, 'Great'! Don't know if listen to
low Troll. Understand?"
"I see the problem." Sid
thought, "In that case we'll just have to see that we get you tough enough
so that when 'Cookie talk, Great Trolls listen.' Hmmm...maybe you should become
a stock broker."
"I have reservations about this, Sid.
How can we trust the word of these Great Trolls, or even of their ghods?? No
way you'd be willing to trust the word of the High Council on something like
this, right? Especially the High Council," Dom added sotto voce, "And
no other human group would respect the High Council's wishes either."
"Trolldom isn't like Humanity, Dom,
they are much more culturally and racially homogeneous."
"That right," Cookie agreed
proudly, "We *inbred*."
"Er...yes, exactly. So if we get a
Pact from them, I figure we can trust it as much as any Sacred Trust can be
trusted."
At this point Krinn walked by. "I
couldn't help overhearing your discussion, Sid. Maybe you should just present
the Moonstoone to the High Council, tell them what it is, collect a small
reward and let *them* take it from there..."
Sid, Dom and Cookie looked at each other.
They considered a moment. Then, as one, they responded,
"N-A-H!"