Cookie dreams on the road to Chelto

COOKIE

A skeletal hand clutching a huge battleaxe rose slowly out of the mist, then two curved ram's horns swishing back a forth as if the vapor were an enemy to rend. Two points of light were slowly surrounded by skull sockets as the head appeared, then the rest of the torso, the legs leaving ripples in the water as the skeleton came ashore. In other places along the rim of the crater, skeletons of different shapes and sizes were doing the same thing.

Cookie could name some of them. Bragrrukl, the horned one, Demi-Ghod of War. Vehurrun, the scourge of Mullunug. Cacrull, foe of pestilence.

Some, he could not. Most, in fact.

This confused him for a moment; how could there be ghods he did not know? Then he remembered this was a dream of a different time and place. He looked left and right, saw the silver and gold and mitherial armor, the handsome faces and self-assured postures of the Great ones.

It dawned on him that something had changed from the numerous times he had been caught up in the dream of the moon stone. The sweet, sorrowful music of the lyre had ended, as had the low, harmonious chanting from the assemblage. All was quiet as the Ghods left their watery resting places and walked to their people. And Cookie was awed to see how many there were. Not the two dozen or so that had come at the last Glassond Hraggle, but four or five times that.

As they approached, one Great one broke from the ranks of the people for each of the Ghods, approached them and fell on their knees. One other stood farther back, the bones knitted into the honor belt he wore numerous enough to mark him a chief. He fell to his knees as well, but did not bow. Instead, he began to speak. The dialect was so strange that it took Cookie some time to comprehend what the Greattroll was saying, but once he became adjusted to it he did not have difficulty in following the words.

".... I ask your guidance in this. We are trapped here by magic we do not understand. We cannot return. We have some of the ancient artifacts of our people, but even if they allow us to destroy our captors, we will not know how to find out way back. We do not understand why tossing of the bones pointed us here, or why, for the first time in our history, you have come to us in physical form, but perhaps it is because you understand what dire straights we are in."

The ghods listened impassively. Then one came forward. An enormous, bloated skull on a small, almost child size body. Beverug, the Demi-Ghod of knowledge. He held his hand in front of him and slowly opened and closed the skeletal fist. Braggrukl swung his ax this way and that in the background. Elsewhere, others of the ghods were doing similar repetitive motions.

Beverug stopped, and glowing sparks in the dark skull cavity suddenly flared. And then he laughed. A deep, horrible, booming laughter, as if the world had just played a cruel joke on them all, and only Beverug understood it. The laugh stopped as suddenly as it had come.

"Kerrug, this is what you must do. Take the artifacts from the people and hide them. Hide them well. Establish the priesthood of Beverug, who has as their purpose to keep these safe for future generations. The time for them will come later, perhaps much later. Work for your captors. Work hard, work well. Convince them that you are sincere and happy on your new world. Learn from them. Learn their magic, their ways. When you have learned as much as you can, then will be the time for the priests of Beverug to lead the tribes back to our beginning. By combining the old and the new, we will establish a new order in the world."

The Great one, Kerrug, replied, frowning slightly. "But, Beverug, in generations, our children's children's children will not remember from whence we came. They will think of this world as their home. Our ties to our ancestors, to our past, to the bones of our fathers and mothers and theirs before them will be lost."

Beverug nodded. "Just so, Kerrug. You are wise to realize this. But this is as it must be. You, Kerrug, will lead the priests of Beverug. I shall teach you the ways of the priesthood, and how to establish a new order for a new world."

Kerrug nodded, then waved his hand. Cookie suddenly found himself compelled to walk forward, although he tried to command his body to be still. Kerrug looked at him. "Vurugal, have you recorded the event on the MoonDrugh?"

Cookie answered "Yes, my lord." He reached out and demonstrated that he held the moonstone. He no longer tried to stop himself, realizing he was reliving the memory of someone at the proceedings as it had been recorded on the moon device.

Kerrug turned back to Beverug. "Beverug, as you decree, so shall it be. This image" and he waved at Cookie, "will be passed from generation to generation as the memory of a world that will fade with time, but will none the less always be the home of the Trolls."

Cookie suddenly became aware that Beverug was looking at him. Looking at him, not the person recording the event. Keenly aware of it. Beverug reached out a bony finger and pointed at his head. "Observer, remember my words. You are a priest of Beverug, holder of the ancient racial memories of the Trolls, guardian of the artifacts of our past, the artifacts of our future. I mark you now as such. Remember, priest, that you are mine."

White light flared. He heard voices, growing distant, disappearing in a sibilant hiss of background noise, Then the light and the noise faded and he drifted into the blackness of sleep, troubled for a time by dreams that he could not recall in the morning.

The Continuing Amazing Adventures of the Boyz N Black!

 

Starring: Lord Sidney Viscious Borgia, as The Hero

Don Dom Perignon, as his Trusty Sidekick and Mouthpiece

Cookie, as The Troll

 

This Episode Entitled:

 

EL SID Saves the (Human) World while Cookie Stews!

 

OR

 

'A Matter of Fine Print'

 

 

Sid's eyes popped open as Fuji approached him."  Sid, I think you better see this," pointing at the Troll.  Sid lithely rolled to a crouch and beheld Cookie.  The tall 'green 'n ugly' was standing clutching the MoonStone, staring wide-eyed, trembling.  Sid sighed.  'Now, what?' he thought, 'What's it take for a fella to get a little sleep around here?'

 

"Cookie? Cookie! WAKE UP!" Sid shouted, cautiously approaching the Troll.  "You've been dreaming! You, ok??"

 

Cookie shook himself as if to dispell a nightmare.  Clarity came to his eyes and he finaly spoke, "The Ghods have spoken to me.  They said..."

 

The rest of the party, roused, gathered around...

 

 "...Remember, priest, you mine, the Ghod say.  Then white light all around and I dream again.  Not remember after that."

 

The Troll wound down and stood stock still as if still stunned and uncomprehending.  Glorm ventured delicately,

 

"Ah, friend Cookie, you not be eating those mushrooms with speckles again last night, be you??"

 

Cookie looked down at the Dwarf.  He silently shook his head in wonder.

 

Sid tilted his head to one side and scratched his chin.  Nobody said anything.

 

"Ah, Cookie.  Could I see my Moonstone for just a second?" Sid asked.  Cookie's eyes snapped to the Sid's face and he turned his body to shelter the artifact.  A low growl began deep in his throat.

 

"Oh, come here, chappie! None of that! You're among Civilized Beings, now!" Sid scolded and scowled.

 

"Civilized? That just mean you stab each other in back!" Cookie snorted, keeping a double-handed grip on the stone.

 

"Exactly!" Sid beamed, "None of this blustering between friends! We have a problem, we solve it in the dark from behind! I knew you'd agree! Fine fellow, fine fellow..." and held out his hand for the stone expectantly.

 

Cookie blinked his eyes several times and tipped his head.  He slowly, uncertainly reached out and deposited the disc in Sid's hand.  He *knew* there had to be something wrong with the Hooman's logic.  It's just that he couldn't put his finger on it at this moment.  Hmmm...

 

"Thank you, Cookie," Sid responded graciously.  "Now.  Let's see what we have here.  Check me if i'm wrong..." Sid began to pace in concentration, hefting the Moonstone slightly in a rhythmic motion.

 

"The Moonstone has been in Hold Borgia as far back as anyone can remember.  That's centuries!" he turned to the troll for emphasis. 

 

"It's rather become a Hold symbol and heirloom.  In fact, my possession of it is de facto evidence that I'm the Heir Apparent of House Borgia."  He looked at Cookie to see if that point had settled in. 

 

"Now.  What you're saying is that this stone disc," here he held it up for all to see, "Is some sort of Troll Memory Device containing within it a record of all Troll Heritage, Memories and a listing and the location of the greatest Troll Artifacts Of All Time.  At least on this planet," he quickly ammended.  "Yes?" Sid continued to pace. 

 

"In fact, you might say that I hold, right here, in my hand, the Trollish Crown Jewels!"

 

At this point, Cookie leaped forward, growling, arms outstretched and tried to grab the Moonstone.  Sid smoothly stepsided the Troll.

 

"Tut-tut-tut, Cookie! Manners, Please!" he huffed.  "Look.  The fact remains, regardless of what may or may not have happened in your dreams and not that I doubt your word, is that this stone is, and has been for *centuries*, the recognized, legal property of Hold Borgia under Kethem Law.  And it will remain so until *I* say otherwise!

 

"In fact, possession being recognized as nine-tenths of the Law, for you ever to even *see* this stone again is at my discretion.  And if I so choose, I will forbid that privelege to you by the simple course of doing *this*!"

 

And, with a gesture, Sid vanished!

 

"Now," came a disembodied voice as rustling red leaves seemed to kick themselves in to the air to drift gently down again, "Just to emphasis my point, what are you going to do if, in addition, *this* happens?"

 

And suddenly the leaves kicked up into the air, soundlessly! Then they ceased to rise at all!

 

Growling a battle oath, Cookie lept forward and drew his battle axe.  He crouched for battle and crabbed forward his neck extended, his flat nostrils sucking air like a warhorse.  'Damn that Hooman!' Cookie swore to himself, 'Damn him!' Normally, Cookie would have been able to track a hooman by smell alone, but that damn Sid took as many baths as did the lovely Krin, even if he didn't use rose-scented water! Cookie could smell he was around somewhere! But now he'd *never* lay a blade on him! And he risked harming the MoonDrugh if he did!

 

Cookie roared in frustration!

 

"Keep your loincloth on, Cookie" Dom commanded disgustedly, "You know how much El Sid *loves* theatrics.  Especially, when *he's* at the center of them. 

 

"Isn't that so...," he continued sarcastically turning, hands on hips, to a tree with a branch that dipped more than it ought.  "...My Lord! Quite ribbing the Troll, Sid, and get on with it.  We haven't got all day," he added exasperatedly.  Cookie rounded on the tree as Sid *poinked* into existence, lounging on the bough.Sid sniffed, "I keep telling you, Perignon, presentation is *everything*"

 

"Yeh, yeh, yeh, Sid, Bite me.  Give him the deal already."

 

"Ach, Philistines! I'm surrounded by unappreciative Philistines" Sid lamented, hamming.  Then his eyes narrowed.

 

"Ok, Cookie, look here, buddy-" Sid broke off for a moment, suddenly serious.  "By the way, Cookie, what *is* your name, anyway? Your *real* name? You can't go around being known as His Arch High Priestness Cookie! It doesn't have...doesn't have..."

 

"Gravity," supplied Perignon.

 

"Exactly! High Priest Cookie lacks Gravity! So what is it?"

 

Cookie stopped cold, nonplussed by the seemingly trivial change in subject.  They were talking Eternal Troll Heritage here! What did his name matter?? Anyone didn't like High Priest Cookie he'd bash them into the ground, he would!

 

Cookie fixed El Sid with a glare and carefully pronounced a series of grunts, growls and clicks.

 

"Hang on a sec, Cook," Sid said and gestured his Speak/Read Language spell on, "How was that again?"

 

Cookie repeated himself.  Sid tried it out.  Sounded like he was coughing out a hairball.

 

"So let's see, that would translate as," and Sid laughed in glee, "Chef Cupcake, the 23rd?? The 23rd??" Sid roared in mirth.

 

Cookie tensed and threw his chest out and brandished his axe,

 

"Hey! *All* ancestors be chefs! Best in Trolldom! And that not Cupcake! That *Nutcake*! After famous family recipe!"

 

Cookies wolfish grin gave the distinct impression that whatever was in the recipe, it *wasn't* a vegetarian dish.

 

Sid gaze narrowed, suddenly wary.  Hmmmm...

 

"Whatever! The *point* is this," and here Sid lowered himself to a croach on the branch and point a gaunleted finger at the Troll, "The point is what is this talk of a New World Order?

 

"I'm not sure I *like* the idea of a Trollish New World Order.  You guys already do alright for yourselves.  Kicked our human butts in the recent Kom Offensive.  Sure that wasn't an all out affair," he conceded, "But Humanity already has a hard enough time of it in this world! Look, Cookie, we Humans aren't much.  And we're our own worse enemy sometimes.  But the fact remains is that we're all we've *got*!

 

"Now, the Elves, the Urakai, the Chen Kundi you can make footstools out of the lot of them if you want for all I care-"

 

"Hey!" interjected Krinn.

 

"Dwarfs not make good footstools, friend Cookie," Glorm intoned seriously.

 

"-But no *way* you're ever going to see this stone again unless you agree, as the new High Priest of BeaverRug, or whatever his name is, and in a binding contract for all Trolldom for all time, that Humanity is except from this New World Order of yours! Further, you are going to have to swear that All Trolldom are Allies and Protectors of Humanity, even if we are a tad difficult sometime, or your Trollish Heritage is *History*! Got that! No stuffed human skin rugs in Trollish chambers! EVER!"

 

"Or Elvish rugs!" Krinn cried jumping up.

 

"Don't even think about Dwarfs!" Glorm joined in planting himself firmly in front of the Troll.

 

"Hey!" Sid's voice cut, "It's *my* stone.  Butt out!"

 

The entire party started shouting! Fuji started farting! Krinn wiped out a dagger and turned on Delrin-

 

"QUIET!" Sid bellowed.

 

Sudden silence.

 

"Thank you," he continued quietly, "Don Perignon, can you help us here?"

 

Dom had gotten out legal parchment he had 'borrowed' from Corbel and was opening an inkpot. 

 

"No problem, no problem.  Sid I TOLD you to quite grandstanding.  Now *everyone* is worked up! We got standard clauses here..." flipping through Sid's diplomats manual,"Just a sec, we can hammer this out.  Cookie? You guys sign in blood or what? Some of the exact phraseology depends on that cause blood clots so quick on sheepskin.  Ya can't get too frilly."

 

Sid said, "Ok, how about something like this.  Trolldom agrees to come to the aid of Humanity if other races threaten it in war directly or indirectly.  Borgia Hold can call on Trolldom in this capacity at need."

 

"Make it a onetime deal, Sid, the arbitrators like that better."

 

"Ok, Humanity, in the person of Borgia Hold, can call on Trolldom to render all possible aid to Humanity once, upon call."

 

"Or the Kethem High Council or duly appointed Kethem Authority if Hold Borgia is wiped out, Sid."

 

Sid looked at Dom quizzically.

 

"Else some enemy of Mankind has an incentive to blotto Hold Borgia and void the contract."

 

"Right! Good point! Ok, and Trolldom can't attack the Elves or the Dwarfs while Hold Borgia survives in the male bloodline.  That ok, Dom?"

 

"Yeah, pretty much.  Again, focuses possible enemies of the Elves or Dwarfs on Borgia, but puts it in the Elves and Dwarves vested interest to keep the Borgia Bloodline safe for all time.  Or at least for a bit.  Might sic the Elves on the Bradfords, too!"

 

"Goodie! What if the Trolls want to attack the Elves or the Dwarfs?"

 

"Well, they'd have to paste Borgia first, but they're forbidden to do that because Borgia is Human, etc.  etc.  We'll throw in a Special Friends Clause, etc.  I'll spruce it up here directly."

 

"What about the High Council?"

 

"Well, this *is* an extraterritorrial treaty and they should be involved, but it's to Kethem's benefit, clearly, so they won't void it.  Since Borgia is speaking in Humanities Name and got Trolldom to sigm, Borgia gets all the Kudos.  No sweat, it'll hold, there's precendent."

 

"Good.  Cookie?"

 

The troll was speechless.  "How can *I* bind Ghods and Trolldom?"

 

"Well, me bucko, you've just joined the Ghods Annointed Club, so you're in! I believe there is precedent, Dom?"

 

"Right.  If there is a problem, Cookie answers to Trolldom and his Ghods, not us!"

 

"Well, Cookie? It's your Treaty Pledge or No Family Jewels!

 

"What do you say, Partner?"

 

The Continuing Adventure of the Boyz N Black!

in This Week's Episode: Sid scratches his head whilst Dom and Cookie puzzle.

OR

'Three Bumps on a Log'

It was the night of the following day and Fuji and Delrin were off in the new town trying to get killed. The rest of the party had already drawn straws to see who got to keep Fuji's sword (which they'd had him leave behind as being too distinctive to safely wear): Glorm was rapidly becoming bonded at the hip to DarkHeart, a situation that they would have to remedy before too much longer or he would began to cackle in his sleep. Dom had kept the old Urakai sword from the Spider Dungeon. So that left Sid angling for the Kandayan quality weapon (his sword only having a few Flash Spells in it. He really had wanted the detect metal and gems sword that Corbel had lent them, but hadn't yet figured out what he could trade for it.) Krinn quietly debated the matter with herself off to one side.

As evening faded to night and the third moon rose, Sid, Dom and Cookie all sat glumly on makeshift seats watching the Moonstone begin to glow.

"The problem Cookie is that this thing turns out to be worth Big Bucks to Trolldom. When you get the hang of it, this thing can tell you where all your Ancestral Artifacts are located. There have to be some obscenely powerful weapons included in that trove!"

Cookie grinned, nodded and rubbed his hands in glee.

"But Humankind and Trolldom have never gotten along well. If Trolldom becomes suddenly powerful, they could decide to wipe out Humanity!"

Cookie nodded, grinned and rubbed his hands in glee.

"So we have two problems: how can Borgia Hold get their money's worth out of this very valuable (to a troll) Cultural Icon? This thing is big, Big, BIG! It would be for humans like, like...Dom what *would* it be like for Humans?"

"Ah, well...kind of like, well...The New Year's Bowl Games, the Super Bowl, the NCAA College Basketball Championships and the NBA Playoffs all rolled into one!"

Cookie looked back blankly.

Dom reflected a moment. "Ok, that may not translate well. Let's just say it's Big."

Cookie nodded his agreement.

"And the second problem, Cookie, is how to let Trolls have all this stuff without getting Humans enslaved in the process. The only solution that I can see is if we make it a *political payoff* to the Borgias and Humanity, the only *real* currency in the world anyway. That would have to be a treaty guaranteeing that that Trolldom won't attack Humanity and will come to our aid if we need it. That way Humanity gets a secret Ally, and, boy, do we need them, as well as some mileage out of these new gross Troll Artifacts that we otherwise probably couldn't use. I say it's a Win:Win situation. Trolldom get's it's Identity and Heritage back. Borgia gets political currency that will last generations! But how to let you have the Moonstone without selling Humanity out? That's the question.

Cookie pondered. "Could just poison food and *take* stone," he offered.

Sid shook his head, "Nah. Unfortunately, Dom and I are pretty good with poisons ourselves, and we've stopped eating your cooking."

"Could pound you at night when you sleep and take stone *that* way," Cookie counter-offered.

"No, that won't work either. We've decided to swap the stone around between us. Maybe ask Glorm to help. That way you'd have to take all three of us out to make sure you got the Moonstone."

"Not want pound Dorf," Cookie regretfully agreed.

"Besides, we're planning to stash the thing as soon as we find a likely spot. And you'll never know which one of us knows where it's stashed! So if you kill one us, you risk never seeing the Moonstone again! Or we both might know where we put it. In which case, if you capture one of us, the other will beat you to the disc. You'll *never* be sure and this is too big to risk blowing, especially since you know we *want* to deal if we can!"

"Hmmmm, Sid, maybe just destroying the thing is the safest."

"Hooman too stupid greedy to destroy disk. Not make Cookie laugh," the troll snickered.

"Ok, you're right, we're *far* too greedy to destroy it."

"Why not give to old Hooman for safekeep?" Cookie ventured. "Old is wise! Maybe he see way Cookie can use stone without Cookie steal!"

"W-e-l-l, I don't know, Cook. If we allowed you to use it, how would we know when you learned some important info? Could we trust you?"

"No. Cannot trust Cookie," he conceded.

"Besides. I'm not sure I trust *Corbel* all that much. I notice Krinn is riding pretty gingerly in the saddle. I'll bet he was pounding the mattress with her again."

"So old Hooman like 'bouncey-bouncey'. He give Krinn spell, Krinn give him 'bouncey-bouncey'. Everybody happy! What problem?"

"It's the principle of thing. He's too mercenary. He may pretend to have high ideals, but nobody survives in this business to reach old age without being pretty ruthless!"

"Who Ruth? How he lose her? That why he need Krinn for 'bouncey-bouncey'?"

"Er...skip it."

"Say! Cookie, you say you don't know how you can speak for Trolldom, right?. What about if you call one of your 'Haggle-a-Rounds'! Then you get all your Great Trolls, maybe a ghod, showing up! You should be able to put the deal to them. Why would they disagree?"

"Ah, Cookie not sure about that. Not travel in those circles. Great Trolls are, ah, 'Great'! Don't know if listen to low Troll. Understand?"

"I see the problem." Sid thought, "In that case we'll just have to see that we get you tough enough so that when 'Cookie talk, Great Trolls listen.' Hmmm...maybe you should become a stock broker."

"I have reservations about this, Sid. How can we trust the word of these Great Trolls, or even of their ghods?? No way you'd be willing to trust the word of the High Council on something like this, right? Especially the High Council," Dom added sotto voce, "And no other human group would respect the High Council's wishes either."

"Trolldom isn't like Humanity, Dom, they are much more culturally and racially homogeneous."

"That right," Cookie agreed proudly, "We *inbred*."

"Er...yes, exactly. So if we get a Pact from them, I figure we can trust it as much as any Sacred Trust can be trusted."

At this point Krinn walked by. "I couldn't help overhearing your discussion, Sid. Maybe you should just present the Moonstoone to the High Council, tell them what it is, collect a small reward and let *them* take it from there..."

Sid, Dom and Cookie looked at each other. They considered a moment. Then, as one, they responded,

"N-A-H!"