I did memorial pages for my friends who died too young. Paul; seems like someone else should do that, given I met him so late in life. But it still hit harder than I expected when he died.
I don't know that is as noble and alturistic as it sounds. I think that what I miss is the sense of fulfillment you get from doing things for other people. It wasn't the highlight of the week to go have dinner with Paul and Carol. He and I didn't connect on some semi-mystical level, recognizing each other as kindred spirits. I think we had things in common, but unlike Bill Garber, I didn't have thirty years of joint experiences to turn it into a hard-wired connection. But humans are social animals, and in many ways you get back more than you give when you do someone a kindness. It provides a sense of value that's hard to find in any other way.
And then they are gone, and it's not that you are sitting there wondering whether it was worth it to go out of your way to be nice to someone. You sit there and you think that the things that meant something to them, the pieces of their life, the hobbies and interests and what they collected on that trip to Madagascar ... it's dust. You spread the little bits of memorabia to the family to remember him by and you can't help but think that all the things that are precious memories to you are going to be at best hand-me-downs to the next generation.
Life is weird and it's hard to know what the right balance between hedonistic self gratification and support for those around you and the community at large is.
But I do miss Paul. May he rest in peace.
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